blistering and sad

I'm sick of being sad. I was outwardly doing fine for quite some time, riding the high and away from the load that seems to carry itself on my shoulders. But for some reason, after I completed my first day on my new gig, I stopped by the Barnes and Noble and picked up a copy of "The Year of Magical Thinking". What was I thinking? I waited two days and just read the first chapter last night before bed, even though I was a bit sleepy and I had to wake up early. I cried through most of it, and then went to bed with all these thoughts running through my head, and the tears sliding down my face and into the feathers beneath my pillow case. And it's August and cold.

I tried detoxing last week and over the weekend, but my stomach is quite messed up. I just feel drained all over again.

So tonight, I'm talking to Willy and he says that I've changed (for the better, whatever that means) in regards to my sister, and that I'm harder. I don't think that's completely it, or even a good thing, but what I did realize is that for the past few months I haven't been living in a bubble so much as a blister. You know how the blister bubbles up to protect the affected area? I've sort of created this blister around me, and nothing else can really affect me right now. It's a matter of self-protection, I guess.